The Missing Aisle Petition
To: DoorDash
Re: The Missing Aisle
CringeMart forgot the hemorrhoids.
A formal petition to DoorDash, from the Totally Normal Company.
DoorDash built a store for everything you’d rather not buy in person. Condom aisle: yes. Laxatives: yes. Gas-X made the cut. Hemorrhoid care — the thing 3 out of 4 adults will need, the single most whispered-about product in the pharmacy — nowhere to be found.
We, the undersigned, being of sound mind and normal body, respectfully note:
- You built a store for every purchase nobody wants to make eye contact buying. It is honestly great.
- Your own press release names hemorrhoid cream — the walk to the pharmacy counter with that “single box” is your opening argument.
- Seventy-five percent of adults will deal with hemorrhoids at some point. That is not a niche. That is almost everyone at this party.
Sign the petition